Catching Fire

Behold, I have refined you, but not with silver; I have chosen you in the furnace of affliction.  (Isaiah 48:10)

Most of us have gone through the refiner's fire in one way or another. As the blacksmith refines metal through the fire to burn out the impurities from the silver, God refines our lives with the fire of hardships and suffering. Whether from financial difficulties, stressed relationships, or poor health; the sources are endless; the fire equally hot. Through the fire we are tested. Will we allow it to purify our faith, correct our flaws, and refine our character or will we be engulfed in the flames? 

I really have been through the fire this past year. Holly spent a year getting chemo. The move to my new apartment was difficult for me, not only the physical aspects of moving, but dealing with all the new apartment chemicals. I have been physically, mentally, and spiritually down. It just seems like one thing brings down the other until I have practically become a vegetable. I rarely get out. It is painful to move and I have gained weight. Between the increase in my facial pain and my mind full of fog it was difficult to talk, which leads to more isolation. 

It was also difficult to work online. Even though I work from my bed with pillows holding up my neck, back, and arms it still was too painful to spend very much time on the computer. I spent the summer in Physical Therapy. It help the pain in my arm, but no one has been able to do anything for my head without making it worse. My doctor did order a tens unit to help with the pain. It sends signals to your brain so it doesn't perceive the pain signals. I just have to be careful not to get near my neck and shoulder or it sets off the nerves in my head causing shooting pains.

Even without the tens unit I usually have shooting pains in my head everyday. I have pain shooting through my eye, behind my nose, and around my jaw. This is in addition to the constant pain in my face and head. It is very difficult to even get food in my mouth, let alone chew, which continues to set off nerves. Obviously with all this pain, my face and eyes look weird. Between being reclusive and my face, I know the neighbors think I am strange. I have tried to explain, but if you haven't walked in someone else's shoes it is difficult to understand. It is painful to sit and talk. So, to sit around and gossip it not my cup of tea. 

I just became more and more isolated. The enemy was quick to tell me I wasn't wanted and had nothing to offer. I became consumed by the fire. If you allow the fire to smooth rough edges and remove dead branches you will grow and become smooth and shiny. His goal is for us to become a reflection of Him. The more dead branches you have the more you are consumed. If you get stuck in your own circumstance instead of allowing God's refinement you become engulfed in the flames. For me, instead of refining I was turning to ash.

Finding beauty from ashes has never been more fitting. I always thought the ashes were all the bad things happening to me. I never realized the ash was all the bad things in me that needed to be burned off. I wanted God to burn away all the circumstance, but I didn't want to work on me. I have learned if you refuse the refinement, it all goes up in flames. Even then, our God is merciful, He can take a pile of ash and mold it into something even more beautiful than it was in the beginning.