My Balcony

Just got in from cleaning up after the storm last night. I took down what I thought might blow away. Either we didn't get the wind that was projected or everything was secure...nothing blew away...my flowers are fine...just a little water logged from all this rain.

I am moving very slow this year. My sister came and potted most of the flowers. I was trying to plant one pot a day and didn't get very far. Most of the Pansies and Violas are hers. They were going on a long vacation and she brought them over for me to "babysit."

I really enjoy looking at my flowers and birds. My bed faces the door to the balcony, which I try to leave open when the weather is nice. Since I spend most of my time in bed with pillows and hot packs it is nice to be able to admire my flowers, watch the birds, use the laptop, and watch TV... all at the same time.

Thank God for such simple pleasures!

Another Rainy Day

When I was young I always enjoyed sleeping with my window open on rainy days. My window open onto a porch so the rain didn't come in. I remember loving the cool breeze and smell of the rain. It was like going to sleep with a gentle lullaby. I still enjoy the rain. It's been a long time since I would feel safe leaving a window open while I sleep. I currently don't have a window in my bedroom, just a door that leads to the balcony. I usually leave the door open when the weather is nice so I can watch the birds and look at my flowers.

Now in my senior years and living with chronic pain, rain also brings additional pain. Rain brings not only a change in the weather, but a drop in the barometric pressure, which is pressure against the Earth’s atmosphere. That means that the pressure against your body drops as well, and your joints and areas that are injured can begin to swell. This swelling causes increased inflammation, and we require hormones to deal with this increased activity in our bodies. Increased use of these hormones can cause depletion of them, too.

We have, nestled atop each kidney, a small gland that produces both adrenaline and cortisone. These two hormones help us with energy, mood, immune function, pain management and the famous “Flight or Fight” response. The steroid cortisone is fundamental in managing pain, immune function and energy. When cortisone levels drop, these can all become a problem. Adrenaline is famous for energy and strength. Did you ever notice how your pain gets worse at night? That’s because our bodies slow production of both adrenaline and cortisone in the evening so we can go to sleep. It’s part of our circadian rhythm. The downside is the fact that we don’t have these hormones that help us feel better.

Something similar happens when a storm is coming. Did you ever “smell” snow or rain before it came? That “smell” is a change in the electrical charge in the air. It’s been described as a “metallic” smell. All atoms have either a positive or negative charge so they can bind to form molecules. As the barometer falls, the positive charge, or “ions” increase which causes a depletion of cortisone in the body. Seniors and people who have chronic pain may experience weather changes more acutely, since their bodies don’t have the ability to overcome these changes as easily.

Even with the increased pain, I still enjoy a rainy day. The rain has stopped and I have the door open. It's a nice crisp fall afternoon. There is a strong breeze so I have a large rock holding the door open. I have learned that while we may experience storms, we have to have the rain if we are to ever witness the rainbow. Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. Learn how to walk in the rain. Use it. Learn how to appreciate life's sometimes storms. Otherwise you'll never be grateful for all of the colors in that rainbow when it appears.

Senior Living

I live in subsidized senior apartments. I am grateful to have such a nice apartment living on SSI. The apartments vary from 40-70% subsidized and there was only one apartment at my level...very poor, one bedroom. Since I was the first resident to apply it went to me. I was so excited to get an apartment 4 years ago. The buildings were new with a dishwasher and laundry room! You never appreciate things like you do after you don't have them. That's the way I was with the washer and dryer...awe...my precious! No more dragging clothes to the Laundromat. Of course, I have been posting about the balcony.

Almost paradise...with the emphasis on almost. What you gain in nice accommodations, you give up in lack of privacy, quiet, and annoying neighbors. My latest porch mate and ALL her friends and family can't seem to go anywhere without a cigarette in their mouth. I am very sensitive to cigarette smoke. When she first moved in they all stood around on the porch smoking. It came right into my apartment. I walked into my kitchen and it was filled with smoke. The manager did ask her to smoke on the balcony where it is not directly into my apartment. I can still smell it if my door is opened and the wind catches the smoke.

The other down side of senior living is...well...your dealing with older people who are more likely to pass away suddenly. We have had several deaths since I moved in here. The latest death was a gentleman who would take his walker everyday to buy liquor. He had been dead 3 days before one of his children called the police...and none of us noticed he hadn't been walking. It got me to wondering how long would I be dead before anyone realized I was gone. I don't get out or communicate very often. I would hate for my body to lay here decomposing. So...I am going to try to make an effort to start blogging more to let people know I am still kicking :)

 It was so quiet before all the people moved in!

...and so empty before I moved in

That clock died and Roger gave me a really cool Jukebox one. 

My dishwasher is still running wonderfully!

First Snow 2015

I am enjoying the falling snow, since I don't have to go out. I spend most of my days in bed facing the windowed door to the balcony. I have always enjoyed the view of my flowers when it is warm and snow in the winter. Most of all I enjoyed watching the birds. I have neglected them the past 8 months. It's been a bad spell since May. Not sure what happened. I remember there was "another snowfall" of some environmental toxin. Everything was covered in a yellow powdered. I heard there have been careless cropped dusters. Not sure what it was. It burned my skin so I wore gloves to clean up what I could...not thinking about breathing it in.

Anyway, I starting having difficulty breathing. Just added one more thing to all the pain and fatigue I was already dealing with. I am use to bad spells. Needless to say the little I was able to do got neglected. The flowers became overgrown with weeds...still enjoyed looked at the weeds...they were green anyway. I didn't fill my bird feeders, not only from fatigue, but my car died in June and wasn't able to get to the store very often to buy seed. It is all I can do to get food for myself. My car is still in the shop, trying to figure out what is wrong with my Nissan. I have heard they can be difficult to diagnose.

In November, I finally went to a new doctor. He sent me to a pulmonary doctor. She questioned Pulmonary Hypertension, with all the autoimmune issues I have. The ANA and Sed rate came back positive and she wants me to see a Rheumatologist. I am not interested in immune suppressants unless it seriously affects my lungs. So far I am on the border of acceptable. She did put me back on an inhaler. The problem is I can't open my mouth enough to get the medication to my lungs. 

I also had a sleep study. Apparently I have severe sleep apena with central sleep apena. Central sleep apnea occurs because your brain doesn't send proper signals to the muscles that control your breathing. This condition is different from obstructive sleep apnea, in which you can't breathe normally because of upper airway obstruction. It is part of the autonomic nervous system. I have been diagnosed with autonomic nervous system dysfunction so it is possible there is a connection. I have started using a Cpap. It does seem to be helping. Hopefully things can start turning for the better.

I really should get out and feed the birds. I just saw a Cardinal looking for seed.
They are so pretty against the white snow.

Times like this I don't mind not having a car. Wouldn't look forward to shoveling out my car.

My CPAP

The ResMed AirSense 10 AutoSet APAP is an auto Adjusting CPAP. An APAP is designed to deliver your ideal pressure, on a breath by breath basis, increasing pressure when it's too low and decreasing pressure when it's too high.

The AirSense 10 differentiates between obstructive and central apneas so that you are always receiving appropriate therapy and pressure. It features an integrated humidifier, built in wireless communications,  AutoRamp™ with sleep onset detection, quiet Easy-Breathe motor, and expiratory pressure relief.

The Christmas Season

Christmas can be a difficult season when you are dealing with chronic pain and illness.

I have come to realize it is important decorate, even if it is only a few cards and ribbons. There have been times when I felt like why bother... "Bah! Humbug!"

I live alone in a small apartment...no one's going to see it anyway. Then I had to realize I am going to see it...and I am important too!

I am grateful for this little tree someone gave me. I may not have much, nor have a lot of energy to decorate, but I do enjoy this reminder of the season.

Family Reunion

All my siblings got together for the first time since my mother passed away in 1988.

Diane, Brenda, and Donna on my balcony June 2014.

David [NY], Diane [TX], Pat [TX], and Donna [IN] at Donna's 50th High School class reunion. 

My Apartment

They finally finished the one bedroom apartments. I was scheduled to move in on September 16th. Unfortunately, someone had miscalculated the distance from my toilet to the wall and had the stool sitting next to the wall. The law states there needs to be a least 13 inches. So, before I could move in they had to remove the toilet, put a sledge hammer to the concrete floor and move the drain over.

This might seem like a small deal, but by the time they went through all the different contractors...one to tear up the floor, one to install the plumbing, and one to tile the floor...it took about 2 weeks. Even though my moving date was delayed and it made a huge mess...it turned out to be a blessing.

The manager went ahead and gave me the key before I official moved in and had to begin paying rent. I was able to stay at my old apartment, which was only a couple blocks away, and come over everyday to open the windows, turn on fans, and air out all the chemicals. Now on to cleaning and moving into my brand new apartment!




















All the apartments have fully equipped energy efficient appliances - washer, dryer, range, refrigerator, dishwasher, 8ft ceilings, security systems, digital climate control, ceramic tile/carpet, window blinds, garbage disposal, patio and sprinkler system.

New Apartment

It looks like I am going to be moving into a new apartment. I had an appointment with the manager of a new senior apartment complex Monday. I was the first interview and got the only one bedroom apartment at the lowest rate. I knew I had to track them down and get in quick. I never thought there would only be one. It is built into a large wooded lot. They are still under construction, but what I am able to see they are beautiful!

I will have a laundry room...they provide the washer and dryer. No more getting up early to carry my clothes to the the laundry. They are larger than my current apartment and even have a dishwasher. My favorite thing is the deck outside the bedroom that looks over a ravine and trees. What a serene place to pray and meditate! This is a God send. My current apartment has really grieved my spirit. I am surrounded by concrete... I need trees! It will be easier to deal with knowing I will be able to move in a couple of months.
Thank you to all my faithful friends who have been praying for me. May God richly bless you!

Times and Seasons

It seems many people are going through a very difficult season these days. Whether from financial difficulties, stressed relationships, or poor health; the sources are endless; the need for a change of season epidemic. Too many are suffering in a winter of discontent. Do we just endure the long winter or can we change the season. If I can take liberty with Shakespeare..."Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of [God]"... Through Christ our winter is made a glorious summer. The presence of the Lord will bring us times of refreshing in the midst of our drought.  

"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord," (Acts 3:19) 

To change our season we need to repent and be converted so that our sins may be blotted out that a new season "may "[is allowed] come. To repent means "to change one's mind" (Webster.) If we change our mind...the Lord will change your season. He will change the winter of our discontent into glorious summer. When we change our mind...our thinking... we don't change the winter...we change the discontent!  Daniel 2:21 says God can "change times and seasons." If you don't like the season you are in... change it.

I have just gone through a particularly difficult season. As many of you know I have a constant battle with my health. It was getting difficult to deal with my basic needs and my doctor had just given approval for me to get home health care. Needless to say I didn't have a lot of strength. Then the most bizarre thing happened. I "accidentally" took the wrong medication and fell asleep during the afternoon. When I woke up my entire apartment was flooded. At first we thought the drain had clogged and the neighbors washer had drained into my apartment, but somehow my washing machine had turned itself on and overflowed. All I could do was cry, because I didn't have the strength to even pick anything up.

Praise God The housing authority came and cleaned the mess and moved what wasn't ruined to an apartment across the street. I still had a lot of stuff on the floor and spent a day trying to wash some of the things that had gotten flooded. I used the washer all day and didn't have any problem. Then the next night it happened again. Somehow my washing machine had turned itself on and overflowed again! Now, I am thinking something supernatural is going on. Is God wanting me to move or the devil harassing me?

My daughter has been wanting me to move back to Indiana for sometime. She had applied at a HUD apartment complex and I had been on the waiting list. I was thinking maybe I would return to Indiana in the Spring. I was not too crazy about going through Indiana winters. I love the Texas weather, but after going through the flood I realized it is not good for me to be there all alone with no family to help. My Senior Life Team Leader, has done a lot to help, but I didn't want to keep being a burden to her. She had just brought me over a freezer full of food and supplies because my refrigerator a few weeks earlier had went out and spoiled all my food.

So, I am over at my new apartment, overwhelmed with furniture and boxes everywhere, trying to get my services turned on. I hadn't started cleaning the cabinets because it took a while to get the gas turned on for hot water. Then maintenance came in with a new stove and when he moved out the old stove the entire side of the cabinet was covered in thick green mold. Then I started opening the cabinets and realized they all were covered with this green webby creepy mold. My lungs became extremely irritated and I could not stop coughing. All I could do was cry out to the Lord.

I didn't even have the strength to take care of my basic needs, how was I going to deal with all of this. I was sitting with my cell phone in my hand, praying how am I going to deal with all of this, when the phone rang. It was the Indiana apartment complex. She said " I know you wanted to wait until the spring to move, but I have an opening in November and wondered if you might me interested." All I could say was this is God. I called my daughter and of course she said I needed to get out of that apartment immediately.

She called my sons and in a matter of days they drove from Indiana, packed my things in 4 hours, and drove straight back. Thank God they are young and strong. I moved out Oct 22 and was only able to take the few things that would fit in a small truck and car. I gave my neighbor a lot of my stuff and in return she made sure everything got cleaned out, so it all worked out. I spent a few weeks with my daughter and am now in my new apartment. It is bigger, nicer, and mold free! It has taken a while, but I am starting to get back on my feet. I only have a few more boxes to go through.

Praise God for a change in my season! I am living comfortably in my new apartment and just spent Thanksgiving with all my children. When you change your thinking from despair to rejoicing...you can change your season from winter to summer. We still have financial difficulties, stressed relationships, or poor health, but through Christ we can change our mourning into dancing. Through Christ we can choose to be joyful and content in the Lord. For…the joy of the Lord is my strength. We can change the winter of our discontent into a summer of rejoicing.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." (James 1:2)